Spot the lie: The hidden signs of deception

Mindmesh

We lie almost everyday. Whether it is pretending to like a gift or saying “I’m almost there” when you have just stepped out of your house, lying slips into our daily life more often than we .realise.  But what makes us choose to lie in the first place, how do we lie and what are the common signs that someone might be lying? 

For context, lying is when someone says something they know is not true. You might lie to your friend by telling them that you love their gift but in reality you do not.  Lying allows a person to gain perceived control over a situation. Fabricating or distorting the truth allows the person to control the narrative. In general we lie to protect ourselves, interests, resources and others. People might also lie to avoid difficult situations and ‘bury’ emotions that come along with the situation. For example, a child might lie about eating a cookie to avoid confrontation and ‘bury’ the guilt that comes along with it.  Lying can be seen as a defence mechanism that prevents individuals from facing negative consequences, being vulnerable and protecting their self-esteem.

The primary ways in which we lie are in concealing and falsifying information. Concealing information can be seen as lying by omission. A person could tell their partner that they will be late today because of ‘work’ and omit the fact that they are hanging out with a friend. Falsifying information can be seen as lying by commission. For instance, a high person lying in court to provide an alibi to protect someone else would be lying by commission.

The common signals that someone might be lying are:

• Changes in speech patterns 

Changes in speech patterns such as increased hesitation, use of filler words and sudden changes in speech rate are signs that someone might be lying.

• Not saying enough

A person might provide vague or brief answers to specific questions. If a parent asks a child where they were all afternoon, a child might respond with “I was hanging out”, hiding the fact that they were hanging out with the exact friend group their parents told them to avoid. This is often lying by omission.

• Saying too much 

A person might provide a detailed story as they believe it sounds more believable than a simple one and so they fill in the gaps with made-up facts. For instance, If a parent asks a child if they ate the last cookie, a child might respond with “Cookie? Why would I take the cookie? I was outside playing basketball with Bill for two hours, then went to his house to play games, and then did my maths homework like you told me to.” This often lying by commission.

• Change in vocal tone

An increase or decrease in a person’s vocal tone can be seen as a sign of lying. An increase in volume is associated with defensiveness and a decrease in volume is associated with  shame.

• Excessive fidgeting 

Excessive fidgeting is often a sign of nervousness, which can be shown in the form of shaking feet, playing with hair, tapping hands, biting nails, etc.

• Covering of mouth or eyes

It is an unconscious sign to attempt to block the false words or hide the discomfort of lying. A child might put their hand over their mouth when being asked where the last muffin went in an attempt to hide the nervousness or hide the lie.

• Use of non-congruent gestures

A non-congruent gesture is a nonverbal signal that contradicts what a person is saying verbally. A person might agree to something but shake their head no.

In essence, lying is deeply rooted in human nature. Whether it is to protect ourselves or others. Understanding why and how we lie helps us be more aware, both of others and ourselves. Maybe the real question isn't how we lie but whether we can ever truly live without doing so.

References

Cambridge Dictionary. (2019, December 4). LIE | meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary. Cambridge.org. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/lie

Drummond, R. (2015). 10 Top Signs That Someone is Lying - How to Know. Forensics Colleges. https://www.forensicscolleges.com/blog/resources/10-signs-someone-is-lying

Ekman, P. (2021, July 19). Primary Ways to Lie. Paul Ekman Group. https://www.paulekman.com/blog/ways-to-lie/

Hayter, N. (2019, March 25). Psytherapy. Psytherapy. https://psytherapy.co.uk/why-do-we-lie/

Lickerman, A. (2010, March 8). Why We Lie. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/201003/why-we-lie